Farewell, Intern Office

As the summer comes to a close, so do our internships.

It's really been quite a summer. We hope your internship has been as memorable as ours. So, now we get to look forward to the never-ending "what did you do this summer?" question from friends, teachers, new co-workers, random people who sit by you in class, relatives, people in the grocery store check-out line, your hairdresser, your boss, and that guy whose name you really should remember especially because he calls you by name every time you see him...

Anyways. Let's break down some answers to that Q that won't totally put the asker to sleep. You say "I was an intern." and when they say "oh really, what did you do for that?" Here's what you can say:

1. Went to afternoon movie matinees.
2. Hosted Office Olympics
3. Got paid unbelievably well for the amount of work you did
4. Started a blog
5. Got promoted from cubicle to office
6. Watched Olympics
7. Became a Yahoo! news expert
8. Learned the locations of all candy jars in the building
9. Hosted Benefit Auctions
10. Photoshop
11. Learned the periodic table of the elements song
12. Embraced nap time
13. Watched TV
14. Joined random clubs for food
15. Online shopped
16. Crafted the perfect paper airplane (we call it the Stealth Bomber)
17. Passed online security and driving tests (be sure to show them the awards that you printed out)
18. Became an expert at the extended lunch break
19. Made Post-It note flipbooks
20. What didn't I do?

Well #interns, it's been real. Way to "contribute" to Corporate America. Just remember, your real job probably won't be anything like this.

#mattandmegan #interns4lyfe #stayclassy

Memories of our lives

The summer is ending..... internships are coming to a close..... and all thats left behind are the wonderful memories that will last forever. A scrapbook I made for Megan so she never forgets the best summer internship experience she will ever have.

its been real interns.

How to Prepare for the End of Your Internship

Your summer internship is coming to a close. Here are some tips on how to go out on a high note.

1. When they ask you if you enjoyed your summer, lie through your teeth and say yes. If you say no, you open yourself open to a lot of questions and HR will put you on their list called "People We Hate and Will Make Their Lives Miserable." P.S. the list is cross-corporation. It's more of an international database so once you're there - you can kiss any other internships goodbye.
2. When asked "what could we change to make your internship more enjoyable?" say things like:
• Improve the hiring process. I waited longer for an offer here than with other places.
• Provide better sandwiches at the Intern Events.
• Provide donuts every morning for interns.
• Teach us how to golf and eat at buffets - useful skills in the real life business world.
• Give us access to the corporate credit card
3. When giving an end of year presentation, they will ask you what lessons you have learned. We recommend paraphrasing song lyrics/poetic phrases in response:
• You can't always get what you want
• Nobody's perfect, I gotta work it
• Be the change you want to see in the workplace
• R-E-S-P-E-C-T
• been workin' so hard, I'm punchin' my card. 8 hours for what? Oh tell me what I've got
• Working hard or hardly working
• don't judge a book by its cover
• mess with a bull, get the horns
4. Take as many notebooks and pens from the office with you as you can.
5. Make a batch of super nasty cookies and force your co-workers to eat them on your last day for your goodbye party.
6. Take all the paper towels and toilet paper from the bathrooms.
7. Take the awards you printed off the internet for your online accomplishments and give them to your co-workers saying, "here, I would like for you to have this."
8. Print off fake parking tickets and plaster all the cars.
9. Place signs saying "Reserved for Intern of the Week" on all the front row parking places.
10. Send out an extremely emotional goodbye email to your managers and co-workers. Include fond memories of them loaning you a pencil that meant so much and tell them they are like a father/mother figure to you.
11. Ask for all letters of recommendation before you do any of these things.

good luck #interns. #almostdone.

Things Interns Say & Don't Say

Things Interns Say

1. I thought you were doing real work for a minute.
2. Woah check out this iPad holder!
3. Did you know there is candy at the HR desk?
4. Your manager is here today so look productive.
5. How do I quit?
6. Another day, another spreadsheet.
7. So what are we watching today?
8. Wow, that's a really good paper airplane.
9. I'm taking a nap.
10. We're out of staples.
11. Do you want to play tic-tac-toe?
12. I'm going to the vending machine again.
13. My candy got stuck in the vending machine.
14. PopTarts cost freaking 90 cents here and Great Value PopTarts cost only $1.25 per box.
15. What's on Yahoo! today?
16. I beat 100 levels of UnBlock Me by 9:00am.
17. The bosses are in a meeting, what are we still doing here?
18. Well, it's 3:00. Not getting paid overtime - better get out of here.
19. We have an off-site meeting at 1. So we're leaving at 11 just to make sure.
20. The office supply guy isn't here; quick, go steal more pencils.

Things Interns Don't Say

1. I don't have time for lunch today.
2. I can't talk right now.
3. I'll be here until at least 5.
4. Can you guys be more quiet?
5. Deny invitation to group chat
6. I have way too much work right now.
7. Can I please have more work?
8. I feel like I'm really wasting company time.
9. I've been in meetings all day.
10. I love my job.
11. "No" in response to "have you read Yahoo! today?"
12. It would be more efficient if we...
13. I have a new company project idea.
14. I hate online games.
15. I love doing spreadsheets.
16. I understand why my job is important.
17. I came in early today to get a head start.
18. Wow these company laptops rock.
19. I don't need an iPad.
20. We're gonna have to cancel Office Chair Races.

stay classy, interns. the summer is almost over.

Most Embarassing Office Moments

internships mean opening yourself to humiliation and embarassment. read the fine print - it's in the job description.

The intern office has played house to a few embarassing moments over the course of the summer and we thought we'd share some of the best with you.

• Megan had to take the online safe driving class 8 times before passing. This included lifelines of group chat, phone a friend, ask Matt, and Yahoo answers. Listen, it was tricky. Nobody knows what all the road signs mean or whose responsibility it is to make sure everyone wears seatbelts. Don't worry it only took her 4.5 hours to finish it all.
• While Megan was away, Matt texted Megan his pirate name and she responded with a pic of his contact info headed "Shark Tooth Herb." Matt laughed out loud. Unfortunately, he was not in the usual seclusion of the intern office, but in the middle of a training presentation. Yep, everyone stared.
• We found out Project Free TV is not blocked at work, so naturally we were watching The Big Bang Theory. As Sheldon and Leonard were deep in discussion, Matt's manager walked in. And of course we couldn't click close fast enough. We were definitely bazinga'ed by the boss.
• Matt's awkward foreign co-worker gave him a hug on the last day before vacation. #officefavorite
• During the Intern Office paper airplane contest, Matt says, "Wow that's a really good paper airplane!" really loudly. With the door open. Way to be subtle.
• During Intern Office nap time, one of the managers came in and says, "wow it seems pretty slow in here, what are you working on?" Our response: mumble mumble mumble spreadsheet mumble vector mumble strategic.....
• This submitted from another intern: Telling the head of the unit that you're a great golfer in passing then being invited to play golf with him at the country club. Too bad you're not actually a good golfer. Hole in... eleven, anyone?
• This submitted from another intern: Leaving the group chat open during your practice end-of-year presentation and having fellow interns message you this on the big screen:

• Being the only non-Asians at the Chinese Club event where even the speech was in Chinese.
• Making umbrellas out of file folders to protect ourselves from the rain while walking in the parking lot (after leaving early of course).
• Giving a presentaion about diversity with another white person.

It's good to be reunited after Megan's being away. #interns FOR LIFE.

To the Solo Intern

Dear Matt,


Here are some activities I have come up with to help you get through the week of loneliness as I ditch my intern duties:

• Reorganize the file cabinets. Again.
• Memorize our favorite periodic table of the elements song
• Go buy candy and distribute one piece to each employee personally and say "thank you for all your good work."
• Make posters advertising a lost puppy and hang them up everywhere. Make sure the puppy looks something like this:

• Papier mache an office piñata
• Break into vending machines
• Walk up and down the hall as many times as ou can before someone stops and asks you what you're doing
• Continue bridesmaid dress shopping for me
• Get a Pinterest account and make a board of the bridesmaid dresses you find
• Learn the African clicking language
• Read all your textbooks before school even starts (Hermione Granger status)
• Read Harry Potter so you understand the previous reference
• Do the Gallon Challenge
• Make friendship bracelets for us
• Figure out your pirate name

#officebuddies #imsorryyourlifesucks #leavetheofficewithme

--Megan

day #2 as a solo intern

#isolated#confused#lost

It's been 36 hours since Megan has been gone from our office.

After spending this much time in isolation, my mind has become torn. Is my office real? I've been thinking a lot. Some topics that I have been pondering...

What if our office floor was tile and not carpet?

Is a wooden desk considered a fire hazard?

Even though I can only print in black and white, printing out pictures of people and hanging them up to talk to all that is getting me by.

I've taken posters of engines from random cubicles and hung them up around the office so I feel more at home.

Someone tried to ask me a question today but I forgot how to talk to real people...I couldn't respond.

The only thing I can look forward to is a great night's rest knowing that the goat man of utah hills mystery has finally been solved.


I will update as my week progresses.

-matt