Farewell, Intern Office

As the summer comes to a close, so do our internships.

It's really been quite a summer. We hope your internship has been as memorable as ours. So, now we get to look forward to the never-ending "what did you do this summer?" question from friends, teachers, new co-workers, random people who sit by you in class, relatives, people in the grocery store check-out line, your hairdresser, your boss, and that guy whose name you really should remember especially because he calls you by name every time you see him...

Anyways. Let's break down some answers to that Q that won't totally put the asker to sleep. You say "I was an intern." and when they say "oh really, what did you do for that?" Here's what you can say:

1. Went to afternoon movie matinees.
2. Hosted Office Olympics
3. Got paid unbelievably well for the amount of work you did
4. Started a blog
5. Got promoted from cubicle to office
6. Watched Olympics
7. Became a Yahoo! news expert
8. Learned the locations of all candy jars in the building
9. Hosted Benefit Auctions
10. Photoshop
11. Learned the periodic table of the elements song
12. Embraced nap time
13. Watched TV
14. Joined random clubs for food
15. Online shopped
16. Crafted the perfect paper airplane (we call it the Stealth Bomber)
17. Passed online security and driving tests (be sure to show them the awards that you printed out)
18. Became an expert at the extended lunch break
19. Made Post-It note flipbooks
20. What didn't I do?

Well #interns, it's been real. Way to "contribute" to Corporate America. Just remember, your real job probably won't be anything like this.

#mattandmegan #interns4lyfe #stayclassy

Memories of our lives

The summer is ending..... internships are coming to a close..... and all thats left behind are the wonderful memories that will last forever. A scrapbook I made for Megan so she never forgets the best summer internship experience she will ever have.

its been real interns.

How to Prepare for the End of Your Internship

Your summer internship is coming to a close. Here are some tips on how to go out on a high note.

1. When they ask you if you enjoyed your summer, lie through your teeth and say yes. If you say no, you open yourself open to a lot of questions and HR will put you on their list called "People We Hate and Will Make Their Lives Miserable." P.S. the list is cross-corporation. It's more of an international database so once you're there - you can kiss any other internships goodbye.
2. When asked "what could we change to make your internship more enjoyable?" say things like:
• Improve the hiring process. I waited longer for an offer here than with other places.
• Provide better sandwiches at the Intern Events.
• Provide donuts every morning for interns.
• Teach us how to golf and eat at buffets - useful skills in the real life business world.
• Give us access to the corporate credit card
3. When giving an end of year presentation, they will ask you what lessons you have learned. We recommend paraphrasing song lyrics/poetic phrases in response:
• You can't always get what you want
• Nobody's perfect, I gotta work it
• Be the change you want to see in the workplace
• R-E-S-P-E-C-T
• been workin' so hard, I'm punchin' my card. 8 hours for what? Oh tell me what I've got
• Working hard or hardly working
• don't judge a book by its cover
• mess with a bull, get the horns
4. Take as many notebooks and pens from the office with you as you can.
5. Make a batch of super nasty cookies and force your co-workers to eat them on your last day for your goodbye party.
6. Take all the paper towels and toilet paper from the bathrooms.
7. Take the awards you printed off the internet for your online accomplishments and give them to your co-workers saying, "here, I would like for you to have this."
8. Print off fake parking tickets and plaster all the cars.
9. Place signs saying "Reserved for Intern of the Week" on all the front row parking places.
10. Send out an extremely emotional goodbye email to your managers and co-workers. Include fond memories of them loaning you a pencil that meant so much and tell them they are like a father/mother figure to you.
11. Ask for all letters of recommendation before you do any of these things.

good luck #interns. #almostdone.

Things Interns Say & Don't Say

Things Interns Say

1. I thought you were doing real work for a minute.
2. Woah check out this iPad holder!
3. Did you know there is candy at the HR desk?
4. Your manager is here today so look productive.
5. How do I quit?
6. Another day, another spreadsheet.
7. So what are we watching today?
8. Wow, that's a really good paper airplane.
9. I'm taking a nap.
10. We're out of staples.
11. Do you want to play tic-tac-toe?
12. I'm going to the vending machine again.
13. My candy got stuck in the vending machine.
14. PopTarts cost freaking 90 cents here and Great Value PopTarts cost only $1.25 per box.
15. What's on Yahoo! today?
16. I beat 100 levels of UnBlock Me by 9:00am.
17. The bosses are in a meeting, what are we still doing here?
18. Well, it's 3:00. Not getting paid overtime - better get out of here.
19. We have an off-site meeting at 1. So we're leaving at 11 just to make sure.
20. The office supply guy isn't here; quick, go steal more pencils.

Things Interns Don't Say

1. I don't have time for lunch today.
2. I can't talk right now.
3. I'll be here until at least 5.
4. Can you guys be more quiet?
5. Deny invitation to group chat
6. I have way too much work right now.
7. Can I please have more work?
8. I feel like I'm really wasting company time.
9. I've been in meetings all day.
10. I love my job.
11. "No" in response to "have you read Yahoo! today?"
12. It would be more efficient if we...
13. I have a new company project idea.
14. I hate online games.
15. I love doing spreadsheets.
16. I understand why my job is important.
17. I came in early today to get a head start.
18. Wow these company laptops rock.
19. I don't need an iPad.
20. We're gonna have to cancel Office Chair Races.

stay classy, interns. the summer is almost over.

Most Embarassing Office Moments

internships mean opening yourself to humiliation and embarassment. read the fine print - it's in the job description.

The intern office has played house to a few embarassing moments over the course of the summer and we thought we'd share some of the best with you.

• Megan had to take the online safe driving class 8 times before passing. This included lifelines of group chat, phone a friend, ask Matt, and Yahoo answers. Listen, it was tricky. Nobody knows what all the road signs mean or whose responsibility it is to make sure everyone wears seatbelts. Don't worry it only took her 4.5 hours to finish it all.
• While Megan was away, Matt texted Megan his pirate name and she responded with a pic of his contact info headed "Shark Tooth Herb." Matt laughed out loud. Unfortunately, he was not in the usual seclusion of the intern office, but in the middle of a training presentation. Yep, everyone stared.
• We found out Project Free TV is not blocked at work, so naturally we were watching The Big Bang Theory. As Sheldon and Leonard were deep in discussion, Matt's manager walked in. And of course we couldn't click close fast enough. We were definitely bazinga'ed by the boss.
• Matt's awkward foreign co-worker gave him a hug on the last day before vacation. #officefavorite
• During the Intern Office paper airplane contest, Matt says, "Wow that's a really good paper airplane!" really loudly. With the door open. Way to be subtle.
• During Intern Office nap time, one of the managers came in and says, "wow it seems pretty slow in here, what are you working on?" Our response: mumble mumble mumble spreadsheet mumble vector mumble strategic.....
• This submitted from another intern: Telling the head of the unit that you're a great golfer in passing then being invited to play golf with him at the country club. Too bad you're not actually a good golfer. Hole in... eleven, anyone?
• This submitted from another intern: Leaving the group chat open during your practice end-of-year presentation and having fellow interns message you this on the big screen:

• Being the only non-Asians at the Chinese Club event where even the speech was in Chinese.
• Making umbrellas out of file folders to protect ourselves from the rain while walking in the parking lot (after leaving early of course).
• Giving a presentaion about diversity with another white person.

It's good to be reunited after Megan's being away. #interns FOR LIFE.

To the Solo Intern

Dear Matt,


Here are some activities I have come up with to help you get through the week of loneliness as I ditch my intern duties:

• Reorganize the file cabinets. Again.
• Memorize our favorite periodic table of the elements song
• Go buy candy and distribute one piece to each employee personally and say "thank you for all your good work."
• Make posters advertising a lost puppy and hang them up everywhere. Make sure the puppy looks something like this:

• Papier mache an office piñata
• Break into vending machines
• Walk up and down the hall as many times as ou can before someone stops and asks you what you're doing
• Continue bridesmaid dress shopping for me
• Get a Pinterest account and make a board of the bridesmaid dresses you find
• Learn the African clicking language
• Read all your textbooks before school even starts (Hermione Granger status)
• Read Harry Potter so you understand the previous reference
• Do the Gallon Challenge
• Make friendship bracelets for us
• Figure out your pirate name

#officebuddies #imsorryyourlifesucks #leavetheofficewithme

--Megan

day #2 as a solo intern

#isolated#confused#lost

It's been 36 hours since Megan has been gone from our office.

After spending this much time in isolation, my mind has become torn. Is my office real? I've been thinking a lot. Some topics that I have been pondering...

What if our office floor was tile and not carpet?

Is a wooden desk considered a fire hazard?

Even though I can only print in black and white, printing out pictures of people and hanging them up to talk to all that is getting me by.

I've taken posters of engines from random cubicles and hung them up around the office so I feel more at home.

Someone tried to ask me a question today but I forgot how to talk to real people...I couldn't respond.

The only thing I can look forward to is a great night's rest knowing that the goat man of utah hills mystery has finally been solved.


I will update as my week progresses.

-matt

day #1 as a solo intern

#lonliness #depression #boredom

My fellow intern/partner in crime/comrad Megan has deicded to leave me for a week. So far I've been trying to cope with the loneliness. It's odd having my own office as an intern. The lights keep turning off because I'm not moving enough. All the empty chairs are bothering me so I had to move them outside. There is so much open space but no one to do activities with. I keep finding myself shifting to different sides of the office and can't figure out why. I had a PopTart for breakfast this morning - it was the only highlight of my day.

I will keep you all updated as the week progresses.

--Matt--

#gettoknowyourauthorday

Hi everyone. Since you all enjoy us so much we thought we would post some things we really like.

If you're like us you always use the 5 second rule no matter what. You accidentally drop that slice of pizza on the ground, the one you've been waiting all morning to eat....... who wants to spend the money for another one? Recent studies have shown that it may not be as safe as it sounds. Check the LINK for more detail (watch the video).

If you're like us, you've always wanted to become a nurse. Even though you may work for a company that has nothing to do with nursing, its still always been a childhood dream. Not like us? well you might find that you really would like to be a nurse. Check the LINK to see what a day in the life of a registered nurse would be like.

If you're like us, you have always wanted the best and most modern and advanced and awesome appliances - whether it be for home or the office. Some of us like our pop tarts toasted. However, not all of us can afford the best of the best when it comes to appliances. Here is a LINK that may help you determine when to save and when to splurge on your appliances.

If you're like us, you love taylor swift. She was at the teen choice awards #wow #marryus

peace out #interns dont do too much work

The Hostile Takeover

The Intern Office has been infiltrated.

#invasion #runforyourlife #fakeproductivity

That's right, people. We now share the office with real workers. Full-timers. It's really cramped our style as you can imagine. We've had to make a few adjustments:

• instant message each other, instead of talk out loud
• adjust our napping positions so our faces are shielded from the workers' views
• schedule meetings to blog in a different room
• pretend to be doing work all the time, not just when someone walks in
• not leave the office before 3pm
• turn screen brightness down
• can't sit on the desks (not enough space with the new workers)
• cancel plans to bring in kitchen appliances
• no more daily intern buffet meetings

Luckily, we've still managed to find some noteworthy reading material.

• Read about Peyton Manning's new CO house here. It's sick. It looks kind of like the Intern Office did in its glory days.
• Some guy got eaten by a shark. If that doesn't get you in the mood for Shark Week, you're outta luck.
• T Swift went brunette. What do you think? Blonde or Brown? We kind of think she should have kept it blonde. Not that she looks bad as a brunette, but blonde & curly was her signature. You know?
• Here's BASIC info about the health care bill. As it plays a big role in the upcoming election, we encourage you to be informed and know what in the world you are voting for. Check out the American public's opinion of the bill.
• And since you were stuck in the office instead of attending Comic-Con 2012, we pulled the photobook for you. Live long and prosper, interns.

over & out.

Friday Fun.

The weekend is close - so we've pulled some links to help you count down to not seeing the office for 60+ hours.  

Remember the computer lab time we got in middle school when we were supposed to practice typing? And that turned into playing online games? Well, here's a few of those throwback games that aren't blocked at work!

game on, interns.

Lemonade Stand

Snake

Slime games 

Asteroids

Also, for your reading pleasure as you slide into weekend mode:

• Mayor introduces female-friendly parking spaces to German city. #womendrivers
• T. Swift > Bieber. The break-up songs from the heart girl gets more $$ than the teen dream Bieber sensation.
• No more Rolling Tide for #2 NCAA prospect. He switched to Auburn.
• I guess this lady was just a die-hard NASCAR fan... no really, she kept her dead boyfriend around for 18 months so they could watch the races together. #creepy #wannabevampire
• Check out the rules for every single Olympic sport so you sound super informed cheering on everything from fencing to artistic gymnastics later this month.
• Could the 2012 USA Olympic basketball team beat THE Dream Team? Kobe thinks so.
• And just in case you missed our new favorite song we mentioned in yesterday's post, here it is again. Feel free to sing along.

It's fine, we all feel like this is expected of us. Intern life at it's finest.

Have a great weekend, everyone. Don't let your internship get you down. #interns

Must-have accessories to look legit at your internship

We all want to at least look the part of an intern. So, we've put together your next shopping list of all the things you need to say to your co-workers, "I'm the intern. And no, I won't go get your coffee."

• Large graphing calculator - select a model with as many buttons as possible and that click really obnoxiously when you press them.
• Cell phone belt clip - preferably of the black pleather variety.
• iPad - it's impossible to not look official with an iPad. You can literally be playing Monopoly and people will assume you are doing company business strictly because you are using the iPad.
• iPad holder - we recommend this one:

the GoPad

• Clipboard - with pen attachment, of course.
• Multi-function watch - choose one with more buttons than you know what to do with. And press them frequently. Preferably in "beep" mode. Wear short sleeves to ensure watch visibility.

• Briefcase - don't let anyone tell you they are out of style. Get yours with wheels so you can drag it everywhere.
• Ergonomic keyboard and mouse - we suggest you socialize with the office supply intern to ensure your order is placed quickly.

• Pocket protector - when in doubt, nerd out.
• Pins of achievement - now is the time to bust out the honor society pin you got freshman year. Place all pins in visible locations on your dress shirts. The point is to draw attention to your accomplishments and prove that you are not, in fact, a waste of space as most people in the office (rightly) believe.
• Math/science paraphernalia - water bottles with math jokes, large poster of the periodic table of elements, calc textbooks placed on display at your desk, etc. For casual Fridays, you may choose one of these routes:

• Mousepad - please make sure the image involves a scene from nature or superheroes
• Business cards - make your position sound as important as possible, meaning exaggerate to no end.
• New ringtone - here is the one you will need to download:

please make sure your phone is on "loud" and have a friend call you during meetings to make sure your co-workers hear.

These items will guarantee you greater respect from your co-workers and inflate your status from "lowly intern" to whatever you title yourself on your new business cards.

#internsforlife

How to pass time at work.

1.      Copy and paste internet articles into Microsoft Word. This way you can read it and people won't see you on Yahoo.

2.    Attend resume workshops and executive speaker meetings to get you out of the office as much as possible.

3.    Blog about ways to pass time at work, how to look busy at work, and how to answer the question “what are you doing?” at work.

   

4.    Schedule fake meetings that are pointless, causing your co-workers to spend time deleting them from their calendar, and that would get everyone fired if their managers ever saw. It is like killing two birds with one stone - you will help your co-workers pass the time as well as your own.

5.    Print out your security achievements and driving safety achievements you earned online so when people walk into your office and see them posted they will think you really know your stuff.

6.    Ask your co-workers what they think is so fun about fungus, and if they know anywhere you can purchase 1 liter of cola.

7.  Plan events under the pretense of being “corporate event planner." Some events could include softball, kickball, dodgeball, four square, syncronized swimming, and elaborate buffet dinners.

8. Convince upper mamagement you need very expensive and advanced photo editing software so you can make pictures showing all the stuff you and your friends "did."

9. Read about the baby panda that died. :....( Don't forget to observe the protocol in #1.

10. Print stuff at the farthest possible printer, one page at a time

11. Read about some random persons $3.2 million yacht that sank.

How to Answer the "What Are You Doing?" Question

An intern's enemy: the "what are you working on" question. We discussed how to appear productive, but what do you say when your productivity is verbally doubted?

More often than not you don't have a good honest answer because you're not actually working on anything work-related. Or maybe you just don't want to explain the random obscure project you've recently been assigned. Or maybe you want to make your internship position sound way cooler than it is. So, we've compiled a list of vague, important-sounding answers that will qualify as a satisfactory answer to "what are you doing?".

1. Market research. Every job can trace ties to the market, so there should be no doubt that you are just trying to understand the context of your job.
2. Quality assurance. Every business wants quality and nobody can claim it's not your job to ensure quality products/services are being produced.
3. Anything with the word "vector." An answer with direction AND magnitude.
4. Internal communications. This is vague and extremely undefined but nobody can argue that business communications are almost always sub-par.
5. Looking for Bill, Dave, or Jen. Avoid last names. Then answer your phone saying "Hi [insert name of person you just mentioned].... okay.... I'll be right there." And say excuse me, "I've found him/her" and exit.
6. Ironing out design flaws. There's always flaws. And nobody wants to get involved so they will likely come up with an excuse to leave when you use this answer.
7. Updating the database. No idea what that means.
8. Analyzing the data we just got from the folks downstairs. This answer makes your fake task sound as boring as possible so they won't dig any deeper.
9. Charter writing and development. Most people hate writing business documents and will flee from any mention of it.
10. Editing this document for _________.  insert person/program that the asker does not like/get along with.

Looking Busy At Your Internship

Here are 13 simple and easy-to-follow steps to always ensure you look busy at your internship.

Step 1. Always ask a lot of questions. Make them sound complicated so your co-workers think you really are interested in what you do. Ask them frequently. If you think of a really good one, ask it to multiple people.

Step 2. After your foreign co-worker has tried to explain something to you for the fourth time, even though you still don't understand what they are saying, nod, pretend to think for a second and say, "that is a valid point" then say thank you and walk away.

Step 3. Make sure there are lots of papers around your work area.

Step 4. Take many trips to the water fountain.

Step 5. When walking around the building, carry important-looking documents. This will make sure nobody even thinks about questioning what you're doing.

Step 6. Walk really fast when leaving your desk. If you see your manager coming, look down at your watch and start running.

Step 7. Print out a long random document, highlight random things, and say its for "Bill".

Step 8. Clean out your desk. This doesn't require any work, but makes you look busy.

Step 9. Make sure your filing cabinet is unorganized and unlabled. This way it takes you a very long time to find what you're looking for.

Step 10. When browsing the internet, copy and paste what you're reading into Microsoft Word. Change the fonts and formatting. Your co-workers will think you have researched valuable information.

Step 11. Send work to your manager at night. This way he/she will think you work at home.

Step 12. Walk around with your saftey glasses on and ear plugs in. People will think you're going somewhere important and won't bother to talk to you because you can't hear them.

Step 13. Have a fake spreadsheet open at all times. Make sure it looks very complicated and is always ready to be displayed on your monitor. Make sure the name sounds legit. Attached is a worksheet on "Projected Demand" which you can download and use for this purpose.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/3bf1sp

Welcome to the Intern Office

Welcome to our blog.

We're interns. At "work." So, we thought we would detail Intern Life for all of you. It's pretty full of interesting events and projects - mostly ones we create for ourselves. So, enjoy :) #interns.

Completed work-related projects:

• ...

Completed "other" tasks:

• organize files

• create nametags
• Five Guys

• create events
• Intern Office Supply Auction (details: repeats 500 times - one person showed up, sold a legal pad, saved many animals)

• Intern Buffet/Black Tie Gala

This is the list of assigned items:

Matthew: Forks, Knifes (Plastic)

David: Lobster (please bring melted butter), Band, Please book a string quartet
Megan: Plates (Paper), Napkins (Great Value)

Jacob: Filet (it is your job to find out how everyone would like theirs cooked), Floating Lanterns

Cassandra: Wine, Wine Glasses, Candles, Baklava, Silk Table Cloths, Candle Holders, Lamps, Incense, posters of

                Niagara falls, Punch Fountain(real raspberry's), Bacon, Monopoly

Daniel: You are the butler ;-)

Brian: Caviar, Red Carpet, Kite

Mollie: Calamari and pickles

Chrysta: Chandelier and a photo booth

Iselin: 1 bag of peanut butter M&M's

• online shopping for animal shirts

• started hashtag (#) trend in group chat (#ihearthashtags)
• Learned about the Girl Who Can't Feel Pain
• Watched this excellent video parody of Beauty and the Beast
• Bridesmaid dress shop for Megan's brother's upcoming wedding (colors: pink & zebra)
• view Pinterest board here (we heart it.)
• made a blog

Still on our to-do list:

• write scholarship essays
• become Corporate tweeters (#######)
• via presenation to lead team (CEO) about our twitter skills #powerpoint
• create our own business cards
• design intern T-shirts
• write to MTV about the possibility of creating a new reality TV show about Intern Life
• buy small kitchen appliances to hide in our cabinets
• convince everyone to register to vote (we're informed citizens, here)

We'll be keeping you updated on what we're up to and the status of our to-do list. And we spend a lot of time reading articles so we'll post some interesting reads for you, too.